A Countdown To oT nwodtnuoC A
by Carbuncle
Summary: This is warped... this is bizarre... this is a countdown to complete and utter nonsense.


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
'A Countdown To oT nwodtnuoC A'  
  
"Please Cloud!", slurred Tifa.  
  
"No!", moaned Cloud.  
  
"Please!", Tifa begged.  
  
"No!", growled Cloud.  
  
"Oh, why not?!", she asked.  
  
"Because it's a total waste of gil.", he grumbled. "You've already got about three hundred different mirrors at home! Why the hell do you need a new one?!"  
  
"A girl can never have enough mirrors, Cloud. They help me stay beautiful."  
  
"Well, I can't deny that they're not working, ahem!", Cloud coughed. "Uh... okay. I'll loan you the extra gil you need."  
  
"Oh! Thank you Cloud!", Tifa jumped into his arms and hugged him. "You're the best!"  
  
"Tifa! Please! People are watching!", he paniced. "Mmmm... breasts."  
  
Cloud and Tifa had gone out to Wall Market for the day. Tifa had seen the nicest mirror in one of the junk stores and she just had to have it. Not being able to say no to nice looking girls, Cloud agreed to share the wealth. After the purchase, they made their way back to Seventh Heaven, where the rest of the party were waiting.  
  
"Y'guys are late!", snapped Barrett.  
  
"Sorry Barrett.", Tifa smiled. "We got a bit carried away."  
  
"Little help here!", yelled Cloud as he struggled to carry the large mirror into the bar.  
  
"Oh my! What a huge mirror!", Aeris gasped. "Another one for your collection, Tifa?"  
  
"Yep! Cloud, put it down near the pinball machine."  
  
"Hey! Not near the entrance to the basement! We need to go down there soon to discuss the new mission!", Barrett howled.  
  
Cloud placed the mirror against one of the tables. Tifa and Aeris ran over to admire their reflections.  
  
"Oooh! I look so cute!", giggled Aeris.  
  
"Fools! We need to start the mission briefin' now! Everyone downstairs!", Barrett screamed.  
  
The party all made their way down to the basement. Once they had left the room, the mirror began to glow. A bright white light flashed and two figures emerged from inside it. They looked exactly like... Tifa and Aeris!  
  
"Heh heh! Feels good to be free, huh Aeris?", laughed the Tifa-look-a-like.  
  
"Shut up, bitch! Lets go find some ass!", gurgled the Aeris-look-a-like.  
  
"Yeah!", agreed the Tifa-look-a-like.  
  
Suddenly, the pinball machine rose from the basement, carrying Cloud and Cid.  
  
"Damn Barrett, who made him the Goddamn boss anyway?!", Cid snarled while smoking a cigarette.  
  
"Now Cid, we all have to respect Barrett. I mean, he's the one who set up AVALANCHE in the first place, so-"  
  
Cloud choked as he stared over toward Tifa's new mirror. Both the Tifa-look-a-like and the Aeris-look-a-like stod there with gazed expressions on their faces.  
  
"Holy crap!", shouted Cid. "How did you two get up here so fast?!"  
  
"...Aeris! It's Evil Cid!", the Tifa-look-a-like exclaimed.  
  
"Yes! And he has Evil Cloud with him! We must destroy them!"  
  
"...Hahahaha!", laughed Cloud. "You girls crack me up! Now help me and Cid get Barrett a beer!"  
  
"Beer?", wondered the Tifa-look-a-like. "What kinda wusses drink beer?!"  
  
"Huh?", flinched Cid. "You don't drink beer?"  
  
"Heh! We grew outta beer three years ago, short ass!", smirked the Aeris-look-a-like. "We're on the hard stuff now! We drink lemonade!"  
  
"Lemonade?!", Cloud struggled not to laugh. "Oh, that's... fantastic Tifa."  
  
"Pipe down, asshole!", shrieked the Aeris-look-a-like.  
  
"Asshole?", Cloud slurred. "Aeris never says asshole!"  
  
"Enough talk! Prepare to die!", the Tifa-look-a-like growled.  
  
Just then, Tifa and Aeris climed out from the basement. They both stared in awe at the mirror images standing opposite them.  
  
"Hey Tifa, we were just telling Tifa and Aeris here how beer is better than lemonade.", Cloud said. "Wait-a-minute! Argh! Tifa, here. Aeris, here. Tifa, there. Aeris, there. Cid, is it just me, or does something feel not quite right here?"  
  
"You're an idiot Cloud.", Cid mumbled.  
  
"My God! You look exactly like me!", gasped Aeris.  
  
"We are your mirror images from the alternate universe!", the Tifa-look-a-like told them.  
  
"Oh, I bet we have so much in common!", Aeris giggled.  
  
"Annoying bitch! Should I do it, or do you...?", the Aeris-look-a-like questioned the Tifa-look-a-like politely.  
  
"Oh no! Go right ahead!"  
  
The Aeris-look-a-like pounched upon Aeris and began to choke her to death. Pretty soon, she was dead. The Aeris-look-a-like then threw Aeris's body over to the Tifa-look-a-like, who devoured her whole.  
  
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris!", screamed Tifa.  
  
"You bastards!", yelled Cloud.  
  
"Cloud, language!", Cid snapped.  
  
"Well, its true! They are bastards!", Cloud drew his Ultima Weapon. "They must be done away with!"  
  
Cloud leapt out infront of them, swinging his sword.  
  
"You're going to kill us?", wondered the Tifa-look-a-like. "Bad idea, spiky!"  
  
"Uh-huh! If you kill us, then you will also kill your little friends over there, since we are... the reflected images of them!", smiled the Aeris-look-a-like.  
  
"Um, one of them is already dead!", Cloud slurred. "Tifa? You don't mind dying, do you?"  
  
"Cloud!", cried Tifa.  
  
"Alright, alright! Then how else are we gonna get rid of these bitches?!"  
  
"I have an idea, Cloud!", Cid bloated. "We'll just shove 'em back into the mirror and the smash the damn thing, so that they may never escape again!"  
  
"NO!", Tifa howled. "You can't smash my mirror!"  
  
"Sorry Tifa, but its either that, or death.", Cloud ran toward the mirror images, and pushed them back into the mirror. Once inside, he struck it with his sword. It crumbled into pieces on the floor.  
  
"My mirror!", Tifa sulked.  
  
"Yo!", shrieked Barrett as his head rose from the basement. "You guys sure are takin' your sweet time wi' my beer! Hurry up!"  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
